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If the grass looks greener on the other side… Stop staring. Stop comparing. Stop complaining. And START watering the grass you’re standing on… Truly, the most powerful weapon against stress on the average day is our ability to choose one thought or response over another. The peace and happiness of your life in the long run heavily depends on the quality of your daily thoughts and responses. Optimism is your choice today. It’s not an inborn trait bestowed on a lucky few — it’s a skill that can be learned and honed. Optimists make optimal use of the available options. Most people get irritated by those who seem “too optimistic,” but this is often just an unfortunate misinterpretation of the difference between an optimist and an idealist. An optimist is really just a positive realist who is neither naive, nor in denial, nor blind to the realities of life. An optimist believes in the optimal usage of all the available options no matter how narrow the supply. As a result, optimistic people are able to better see the bigger picture. They can more accurately visualize and mange the present possibilities. For comparison’s sake: An idealist focuses only on the absolute best aspects of situations, a pessimist sees no positive possibilities at all, and an optimist strives to see all the possibilities so they can find the best possible option among them. So when picking lemons off a lemon tree, an idealist reaches for the ripest looking lemon and expects it to be the tastiest, a pessimist settles for whichever one is closest, while an optimist picks all the lemons in sight and makes lemonade. Optimists give themselves grace and acceptance. As a child you impressed and inspired yourself on a daily basis. You ran, jumped, swung, sang, and danced openly without a care in the world — without worrying about what everyone else thought of you. You didn’t need anyone else’s constant approval, because deep down you knew you were amazing. But as you grew into adulthood the pressure from peers, popular media, and society as a whole began to wear on you. You started comparing yourself to everyone around you. You judged and measured your body, your lifestyle, your career, and your relationships against other people’s lives. And when you realized that many of these people have things that you do not, bitterness set in and you gradually stopped appreciating all the great things you do have in your life. Optimists defend themselves against this self-dislike in two primary ways. First, they get back to trusting their own intuition when it comes to their daily activities. They stop asking for everyone's approval and simply do what they know in their heart feels right. Second, optimists don’t judge themselves against a set of unrealistic, third-party ideals. They let go of the ideals and instead hold on to the belief that they are always good enough just the way they are, even as they grow into stronger, wiser versions of themselves. Optimists disconnect happiness from long-term achievement. In order to be optimistic you have to be generally content with your life. In order to find this contentment, you have to look within yourself. Happiness after all is mostly an inside job. If you constantly look for happiness outside yourself, by tying it to a specific achievement you must reach for example, you have two big problems: You may never succeed. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and absolutely needs to be fixed ASAP, but you continuously fall short of fixing it, you will start yourself on a downward spiral where every time you fail to fix it you feel even worse. Eventually you will be unable to succeed simply because you no longer believe in your ability to do so. You may succeed and decide you want even more. – If you feel like something is wrong with you and absolutely needs to be fixed, and you succeed at fixing it, you will likely find something new about yourself that needs fixing too. Maybe you’ve lost 20 pounds, but now you want tighter abs. Maybe you’ve paid down your debt, but now you want a bank account with a million dollars in it. You get the idea. It’s a never-ending cycle for your entire life. You never reach it, because you’re always looking for happiness from external achievements. You don’t find the happiness from within so you look to other sources. Optimists set boundaries and disconnect long-term achievement from daily happiness — they give themselves permission to enjoy each moment without the need for anything more. This isn’t to say that they are complacent. They still set goals, build habits, help others, and grow, but they learn to indulge joyously in the journey, not the destination. Optimists keep good company, and become good company. In the long run you are only as good as the company you keep, and misery loves company. So do yourself a favor and dodge other people’s negativity as often as you can. Remember that optimism is a learned habit and it is positively contagious. Surround yourself with positive, emotionally supportive friends and family — people who could infect you with their optimism, so you can then pay it forward… How can you pay it forward? Be kind and positive right now, right here, in your own life, in whatever way you can. Just be kind and positive. There’s so much going on that we cannot solve — so many people we can’t help. But your kindness and optimism can make a significant difference, in your own life above all, and in the lives you touch. Optimists embrace life’s ups and downs. Just because you’re an optimist doesn’t mean you’re not going to have bad days. You will have plenty of bad days, that’s reality. Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. A foundation of realism keeps things in perspective and helps prevent things from being blown out of proportion. Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down. However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs. It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs. Bottom line: Prepare for the downs but capitalize on the ups; the former makes you sensible and the latter makes you an optimist. Optimists use positive language and gestures. It’s not always what happens that determines your mood, but how you express what happens that counts. For instance, when an optimist experiences a bout of success they might say, “That’s just as I had anticipated; I studied hard and my diligence paid off,” while a pessimist might say, “Wow, was I lucky to get such a good grade on that test,” not giving themselves any credit and literally snatching her own defeat from the hands of victory. If an optimist encounters a do-it-yourself project that they can’t figure out, they're likely to say something like, “Either the instructions I’m following are unclear, or this project is going to require a bit more effort than I thought… or maybe I’m just having a rough moment here.” In other words, an optimist uses positive self-talk to keep the struggle outside themselves (“the instructions”), specific (“more effort”), and temporary (“a rough moment”), while the pessimist would likely get down on themselves and interpret the same struggle as internal, widespread, and everlasting. Go ahead and follow in the optimist’s footsteps by speaking to yourself in a more positive way regardless of whether you succeed or fail, and you’ll gradually become more optimistic. Physical body language is also important. Your smile actually influences your mood in a positive way. When you feel down, your brain tells your face that you’re sad, and your facial muscles respond by putting on a frown, which in turn conveys a message back to your brain that says, “Yep, we’re feeling unhappy.” On the average day (when nothing extreme is happening) you can flip the switch on this internal reaction by adjusting your facial muscles into a smile so they don’t correspond to what you’re feeling. This is a clever way of sending a different message back to your brain: “Hey, life is still pretty good and I’m doing OK.” And you’ll actually begin to feel a little better, gradually. _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. 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1. Change nothing and expect different results. There’s a saying that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Take this to heart. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Oftentimes the only difference between a successful person and a person who makes little progress is not one’s superior abilities, but the courage that one has to bet on their ideas, to take calculated risks, and to take steady steps forward. Truly, some people sit and wait for the magic beans to arrive while the rest of us just get up and get to work. 2. Keep waiting and waiting for the right time. Even when we have productive intentions, too many of us waste so much of our time waiting for ideal paths to appear. But they never do of course, because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. So stop waiting today… Think of today as the beginning — the conception of a new life. The next nine months are all yours. You can do with them as you please. Make them count! Because a new person is born in nine months. The only question is: Who do you want that person to be? Now is the time to decide. And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence and fuels your inner and outer growth. 3. Believe good things come easy. A goal is a point of achievement that requires effort and sacrifice. There are no esteemed goals worth participating in that don’t require some level of effort and sacrifice. Decades from now when you’re getting closer to the end, you will not remember the days that were easy, you will cherish the moments when you rose above your difficulties and conquered challenges of magnitude. You will dream of the strength you found within yourself that allowed you to achieve what once seemed impossible. So don’t just do what’s easy today, do what you’re capable of. Astound yourself with your own abilities. And as you struggle forward, remember, it’s far better to be exhausted from little bits of effort and learning than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing. Effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger and more experienced in the long run. 4. Refuse to accept necessary risks. Living is about learning as you go. Living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step, every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a small risk. To truly live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk, and to trust yourself to take it. To not get out of bed, clutching to illusions of safety, is to die slowly without ever having truly lived… Think about it. If you ignore your instincts and let shallow feelings of uncertainty constantly stop you, you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this un-knowing will be worse than finding out your instincts were wrong. Because if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life, without always looking back and wondering what might have been. 5. Make the rejections of yesterday the focal point of today. Be okay with walking away when the time comes. Rejection teaches us how to reject what’s not right for our well-being. It won’t always be easy, but some chapters in our lives have to close without closure.There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter. We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some opinionated person or isolated circumstance once told us was true. Of course, this old rejection doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough — it means the other person or circumstance failed to align with what we had to offer at the time. It means we have more time now to improve our thing, to build upon our ideas, to perfect our craft, and to indulge deeper into the work that moves us. And that’s exactly what you need to do, starting now. 6. Refuse to take responsibility. You aren’t responsible for everything that happened to you, but you need to be responsible for undoing the thinking and behavioral patterns these outcomes created within you. Blaming the past for a limiting mindset today doesn’t fix it. Change your response to what you remember, and step forward again with grace. A combination of your decisions and external factors for which you had no control brought you to where you are today. Negatively blaming someone else, or some past circumstance, will change nothing. Positively taking full responsibility for the next step on your path forward can change everything. Leave the unchangeable past behind you as you diligently give yourself to the present moment. In this moment is every possibility you seek. Take responsibility for it, and bring these possibilities to life. 7. Close your mind to new ideas and perspectives. Remember that success in life does not depend on always being right. To make real progress you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers. Even as you grow wiser with age, you must remind yourself that an understanding is never absolutely final. What’s currently right could easily be wrong later. Thus, the most destructive illusion is a settled point of view. So don’t stop learning! Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a real and lasting difference. 8. Let a few negative people continuously distract you. Your mind is your private sanctuary; do not allow the negative beliefs of others to occupy it. Your skin is your barrier; do not allow others to get under it. Take good care of your personal boundaries and what you allow yourself to absorb from others. Of course, there will inevitably be a few people in your life who will be critical of you regardless of what you do or how well you do it. If you say you want to be a dancer, they will discredit your taste in music. If you say you want to build a new business, they will give you a dozen reasons why it might not work. They somehow assume you don’t have what it takes, but they are dead wrong! Let that sink in… It’s a lot easier to be negative than positive — a lot easier to be critical than correct. When you’re embarking on a new venture, instead of listening to the few critics that will try to distract you, spend time talking to one of the hundreds of people in this world who are willing to support your efforts and acknowledge your potential, respectfully. 9. Hold tight to something that’s not real. Remind yourself right now that not everything is meant to be. Sometimes you have to track the data, review the data, and seriously sit down with yourself and come to grips with the fact that you were wrong about it all along. It was just an illusion that never really was what you thought it was. It’s one of the most difficult realizations to accept, to realize that you feel a sense of loss, even though you never really had what you thought you had in the first place. The key is knowing this, learning from it, letting go, and taking the next step forward. 10. Maintain rigid expectations every step of the way. Simple things become complicated when you expect too much. Rigid expectations truly are a root cause of heartache. Don’t let them get the best of you. Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for personal growth, depending on what you choose to do with it. So start by choosing to let go of the expectations that aren’t serving you. A mistake doesn’t hurt, expectation does. A rejection doesn’t hurt, expectation does. And so it goes… Remember, the mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides. It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations get the best of you, and you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again. So don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your rigid expectations in life is the best way to avoid being disappointed by everyone and everything you encounter. One of the most important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because, when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything… An Exercise for Saving Time & Building Better Habits If you feel a like you’ve wasted too much time on one or more of the points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU. Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then: Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?) Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?) Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?) Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?) _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

You don’t need to justify anything. You don’t need to change just so someone will like you. Be your best self and the right ones will love the real you. Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires, and don’t be scared to walk alone and pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do. Will the people in your life always support your decisions? No they likely won’t. But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself — it’s about creating yourself. So make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who passes unfair judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK. You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours. And when you need a quick reminder or a dose of encouragement, refer to this quick reference list of life choices you shouldn’t have to justify to anyone else: 1. Choosing to put yourself first. During a television interview back when she was the First Lady, Michelle Obama was asked if she thought it was at all selfish that she openly admits to making herself her first priority. The First Lady smiled and replied, “No, not at all. It’s practical… a lot of times we just slip pretty low on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else. And one of the things that I want to model for my children is investing in themselves as much as they invest in others.” Like her or not, that’s spot on advice if you ask me! There are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them. Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s. 2. Choosing to embrace your emotions. Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. There’s no reason to be ashamed of feeling something or expressing it if it’s real to you. Showing your emotions is characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being, and yet it’s too often perceived as a sign of being weak or broken. Truly, it’s not the emotionally sensitive person who is broken, it’s society’s understanding that is oftentimes dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated. Truly, there is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, humane world. Let your feelings, smiles, and tears shine a light in this world! 3. Choosing to own your weirdness. We are all weird in some way. What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not. Most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible. So where’s your will to be weird? Where’s your resolution to be real? Celebrate your individuality and do not be embarrassed of it. If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t hide it. Own it! 4. Choosing to be unapologetically YOU. We are never more alive than when we are being brave, and we can’t be brave unless we are willing to take off our masks and be ourselves. It’s about finding the courage to be imperfectly yourself. When perfectionism of any kind is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. Don’t do this to yourself. Let go of that subconscious pull to be “perfect” in the eyes of others, and just be exactly who you are today. No apologies required. 5. Choosing to let go and not take things personally. You may not be able control all the rude things people say and do, but you can decide not to be controlled by them. Make that decision for yourself. There is great freedom in leaving others to their opinions. And there is a huge weight lifted when you take things less personally. Of course, some people may tell you it’s best to stand up tall for yourself and fight back hard, but the best offense is usually a good defense. Defend yourself from others by not putting yourself at the center of their inner conflicts. Truth be told, if you take everything personally, you will remain offended for the rest of your life. What other people do is mostly because of them, not you. 6. Choosing to forgive others. Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Free yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim. For the most part, grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something. Forgiveness on the other hand is for those who are wise enough to focus on what they can control in the present. In order to move forward, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, setting healthy boundaries, and lifting your spirit with positive steps forward. 7. Choosing to spend more time with the people you love. Although it’s perhaps conceivable that you may lie on your deathbed someday regretting that you didn’t work harder and check every little thing off your to-do list, it’s doubtful that your work and to-dos will be your biggest concerns. What’s more likely, however, is that you will wish you could have one more romantic night with your spouse, another long, heartfelt talk with your sister or brother, and one last laugh with your best friend. The bottom line is that life is too short to be too busy for the people you love. 8. Choosing to go at your own pace. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. In fact, two of the most amazing couples I know didn’t meet each other until they were in their late 30’s. One of these couples just had their first child in their early 40’s. The lesson here is simple: Great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen — they happen when the time and conditions are right. So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married right now, or working a traditional 8-5 job, or making a certain amount of money, etc. Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same way. 9. Choosing to fail forward. In those moments when you find yourself standing face to face with an issue you battled before — one bearing a lesson you were sure you’d already learned — remember, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. Repetition is required to evolve and grow. And repetition allows you to fail forward. We learn the right way on the way. Truly, failures are opportunities to begin again smarter than before. If you’ve heard differently, forget what others have told you. Fail often, fail fast, clean it up, learn from it, move on, and then repeat. Just because things didn’t work out for you today, doesn’t mean there’s not something big in store for you tomorrow. Rest easy and get ready. Don’t waste your energy justifying your next step to the naysayers. 10. Choosing to forgive yourself for past errors in judgment or immaturity. I don’t entirely approve of some of the things I’ve done in my life. But I am who I am. And I would not be me if I hadn’t learned along the way. The same is true for you. Don’t be ashamed of who you had to be to get to where you are today. Forgive yourself for those times when you lacked clarity, for those foolish decisions you made that caused needless stress. Forgive yourself for being human, young, and reckless. Your journey has many vital lessons. And what matters most now is your willingness to grow from them. 11. Choosing to dress comfortably, and owning it. “Whenever I leave the house looking anything less than airbrushed and fashionable and then run into someone I know, I tend to feel the need to apologize for not looking a certain way.” That’s ludicrous! You don’t have to apologize to everyone for not looking a certain way. You could apologize to yourself though, for feeling like you had to in the first place. 12. Choosing healthy eating habits. Too often our culture associates healthy eating habits with fad diets and weight loss marketing schemes. But there’s also something called healthy eating as a means to actual good health, not weight loss, not some crazy diet, or anything else. Why do we need to stand up for ourselves when we choose to eat healthy? Because for some reason some people tend to be skeptical that a person would actually just want to treat their body right and not be perpetually concerned with their shape and size. Eat healthy because it’s good for your health. Ignore the critics! 13. Choosing to work extra hard on your goals and dreams. When people try to inspire you, they’ll often tell you all kinds of well-meaning and heartfelt things like: “Follow your dreams. Listen to your heart. Find your inner voice and let it sing. In fact, dream and don’t stop dreaming until all of your dreams come true.” And while all of this is fine and dandy, the big problem is a lot of people dream and dream… and that’s all they do. Don’t be one of them! It’s always easier said than done, yet you need to do some hard things to be happy in life. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and move you forward. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty dreams and a life filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come. 14. Choosing to be positive through your challenges. Positivity does not mean ignoring the negativity around you, it means overcoming the negativity within you. There is a big difference between the two. The peace, happiness, and effectiveness of your life greatly depends on the quality of your thoughts. Of course, not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day. Do your best to notice it. None of us know the exact paths we will travel or the trials that will come our way. The secret is to find some goodness on the daily journey. Making the best of each step you take is the smartest choice. Your positivity will gradually help you realize that many of the inconvenient things that happen in your life are on the same path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you. 15. Choosing to give yourself hope. They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I couldn’t agree more. We all do a lot of talking about the importance of the first two, but don’t forget to nurture your hope too. And remember, hope isn’t the belief that life will always give you what you want; it’s the belief that life will gradually reveal what’s right for you. 16. Choosing to feel completely justified already, without anyone else’s approval. You don’t need a standing ovation or a bestseller or a promotion or a million bucks. You are enough right now. You have nothing to justify. Care less about who you are to others and more about who you are to yourself. You will have fewer heartaches and disappointments the minute you stop seeking from others the justification only YOU can give yourself. Bottom line: Constantly trying to justify yourself to everyone else forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas, desires, and life experiences. If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live… you merely exist. Do more than exist! We all exist. The question is: How do you want to live today? Now, it’s your turn… Yes, it’s your turn to get out there and live today! (No justifications needed.) _________________________________________ The TweLvE by Design Store is now open. Check it out! www.twelvebydesign.com/shop Intentionally. Purposely. Purposefully. Deliberately. Knowingly. Not by accident. But as a result of a plan. ...by design... Support TweLvE by Design Donate Here

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